To Do Or Not To Do?

I want a tattoo. I want it so bad, it actually hurts.

I've even chosen my design and I've already chosen the part of my body where I want to get it done. I've wanted one since I was 15 and I know I won't regret it.

So what's stopping me?

The pain.

So maybe I'm chickenshit. I'm not afraid to admit that. I'm so scared that it will be beyond my tolerance level and I might faint or cry or worse... run off when it's only halfway done. Then I'll be walking around with a half-finished tattoo *faint*

No one understands how it feels to be the one who's planning to get it done. I'm excited, but I'm scared. I'm afraid that if I put it off too long, I'll chicken out once again and not get it done. And if I don't get it done, I'll keep longing for it... yearning. Nothing sucks more than yearning for something that you want really bad! (anyone's who's ever yearned badly for anything would totally agree to this!)

No one knows how it feels like to be me, to want to do it so bad, but there's still this fear. And when I tell people that I want to do it, they just tell me, "want to do it, do it lor". And when I try to tell them how it feels inside, no one understands. No one comprehends. They don't understand what there is to be excited about and what is there to be afraid of. They don't understand that although I've kinda decided to get it done, my heart still skips a beat when I think about it. And there's this pounding feeling inside when I just think about the procedure. Why can't someone understand the excitement and the anxiety that I feel inside? Why can't someone understand the fear that I feel?

Unless you're a body art lover, you'll never come close to understanding how this feels. Many will say, "Why do it in the first place? You're scarring yourself for life and you're paying a rather high price for it! Why pay for the pain? Why pay for something that you'll regret?" Doesn't anyone see that a tattoo is way more than that? It's an art. Maybe an art that not all will know how to appreciate. Many are still fxated on the belief that tattoos are derogatory and only the "bad apples" do it.

I guess in the end, it'll only boil down to how I, myself, feel about it. Because it's gonna be my tattoo on my body and I'm gonna be living with it for practically the rest of my life. I'm the one with the fear, the anxiety and the hesitation. I'm the one with the frustration and the indecision. Ultimately, I'm the one who's going to feel the pain.

I guess I should understand that no one understands...