Sick & Tired

I'm so bloody sick and tired of everything... SICK & TIRED!!!! I've said this so many times to Mello and she's reciprocrated the feelings.. WE ARE BLOODY SICK AND BLOODY TIRED of all these crap.

*SCREAM*

We'd rather be eating sandwiches with beach sand in it and getting sunburned noses than to be where we are now.

She has crap she needs to deal with, I have mine. Different people, different type of crap. But yet I know exactly what she's going through and she knows mine. She's what gets me going through every day...

Sick of the monotony. Sick of the sham. Revolted with the sorry excuses for people. Disgusted with their charade.

*PUKES*

You get so caught up in all these crap, you're in a danger of losing track of who you really are and what you truly believe in.

I know what I believe in.

I believe in the good of people and that one good turn deserves another. I believe that life is beautiful and friends are friends forever.

The longer I am here, the more disillusioned I become. I'm so afraid that I'll lose track of things and forget everything that I hold to be true. I'm so scared that I would get too immersed in what is actually happening in the world now that I'll forget to stand up for what I truly believe in...

Pretending to care. A counterfeit laugh. A smile that doesn't come from my heart. A smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes.. That's what I'm slowly becoming...

The pretense. The sham. The charade.

I'm tired ... exhausted... I'm worn out...

Getting to be more indifferent than I ever expected myself to be... I don't want to be that. I don't want to not give a shit.

I want to laugh and I want to cry. I want to feel the exhiliration of life. I want to feel the adrenaline flow in my veins. I want to smile and have the genuine happiness reflect in my eyes. I want to laugh with my heart and smile with my eyes. I just want to be who I am. I want to be me. I want to be REAL.

But what is real? Does being real mean sticking out like a sore thumb? Swimming in a sea of squares when you're a triangle?

I just don't know what I am anymore... I don't know what I'm going to become if I don't do anything else to shield myself from these.

I'm so afraid of losing sight of what it is that I have always believed life should be...

I fear that I'll eventually lose who I really am...